pit-stops. where you stop to refuel and fine tune. i never stopped at one. the refueling happened along the journey and the fine tuning, well the fine tuning never really happened. makes me wonder. what would it mean to stop and take in the glory of the monumental expenses i've made over time. luck. has to be the one resource that I have expended the most so far. that and a lot of health. I never went all out for anything in my life. everything was passive and mechanical. well, everything except the 2 months that i slogged my ass off for the 10th standard board exams. that was unfortunately the last moment of self will induced hard work that i ever committed myself to. is that a bad thing? i don't know. i've seen, just like you have seen, people who are focused every minute of everyday. driven. they follow their targets till they attain it. failure is not an option. the fear of failure doesn't stop them. is it that they don't think about it or is it that they have a different notion of failure? i don't know. for me failure is acceptable. maybe i took the saying "failure is the first step towards success" a little too seriously. but then, have i failed? if you can accept failure, is it really failure anymore? that begs the question as to what is success? anything that you set out to do and end up doing can be termed as success. ofcourse there is no judgement here as to the scale of one's success. big success, small success. what difference does it make? if you dont succeed then you fail. for me i always have the feeling in the back of my mind that the only option to success is acceptance. but going by my own definition of success, i guess i am successful no matter the outcome of my endeavor.

the last bit has to be a load of B.S. i've been hurt by undesired outcomes and i've not accepted it at once. but i've gotten around to accepting almost everything overtime. but that is true for everyone. is it not? so then if you finally end up accepting any outcome then where exactly is the difference between success and failure? and does it matter? if it doesn't, then i guess it means there is no point in trying.

But people did try. and it is the outcome of their effort to deem themselves successful at whatever is it that they set out to do that today we live differently from how people lived before. would we have been happy if nobody ever tried to do something in this world? i don't think anybody is capable to answer that question because there is just no benchmark to qualify that state against. nobody has undergone that.

raises a lot of questions. maybe somebody up there tossed a fair coin. maybe all this is a whim. a fancy. the unbiased and fair outcome of pure chance. p